Woman in the bathroom

I arrived at the station with time to spare before my train. As I entered the toilet to grab some tissue for my runny nose, I scooted around a lady stood, brushing her blonde bed hair in front of the streaky mirror. She wore a smart black jacket matched with smart trousers and it was quite apparent that she’d had to leave for her job in a rush. Unprepared and vulnerable, she wore an embarrassed expression as a result of my clumsy entry. Poor thing just wanted to be caught up in her normal routine where she could feel normal, safely herself in her surroundings. I met her eye with a reassuring smile and whilst pulling the tissue hurriedly from the holder I wondered what her morning had been like. Perhaps her alarm hadn’t gone off, or after a stressful day she’d allowed herself and extra glass of wine before bed and slept through the snooze button. Maybe she’d woken to find her cat had been sick on the new beige carpet during the night, or the shower she’d been meaning to get fixed the last couple of weeks had been playing up again.

All in all it wasn’t a good start to her day. So I closed my eyes briefly and secretly wished something wonderful would happen to her, like she’d find a tenner on the floor, or bump into an old friend and arrange a drink after work, where’d they reminisce childhood crushes and adventures, wistfully wonder where the time had gone and make heartfelt and determined promises that they’d escape the clutches of the adult routine and start truly living again, starting with a cultural but fun wine tasting holiday in Tuscany.

Doing the deed – Becoming a do-gooder

There was once a time where do-gooding was frowned upon. ‘Interfering do-gooders’ were known to meddle and cause problems for those of us cantankerously surviving in our mundane day to day existence.

Thankfully these times are changing for the better. It is becoming more popular to do good and I am stumbling across more and more adverts/short films/music videos that promote goodwill and kind gestures. Us human beings have the power of endless love and compassion locked beneath the barriers that our minds create as a defense against hurt, anger and rejection. These barriers however do a good job and we almost always forget what we should do. i.e. that poor old chap trying to cross a busy road. ‘Sorry buddy, no time for you, I’VE had a bad day’.

How did we come to act on such selfish tendencies? How can we say “I don’t care, I’m looking after me right now”?

Imagine if instead of this we all looked after each other. That we donated a moment of strength to someone who was struggling. Imagine the bond that would form with someone who rescued you when you most needed help and were too scared to ask a stranger. That on seeing that poor guy trying to cross the road, no doubt terrified by the noise and endless streams of machines intent on mowing him down, you took those few seconds to take his arm, walk him over and carry on with your day.

It’s these few precious seconds that are nothing to you…and everything to him.

Think about the relief he’d feel, thanks to you. Imagine the smile on his face when he tells relatives of that lovely person who helped him when he felt vulnerable and needy. Doesn’t that make you feel good?

How about that kid trying to get on the bus, or a mother paying for groceries amidst screaming children. They’re 20p short which means a long walk home, or missing out on some sort of essential item. Do you have a lose 20p floating about? I’ll bet you do. The thought crosses your mind but you shrug it off quickly. ‘No, I’ll need it’ or ‘It’s right at the bottom of my bag’. You stay quiet and they suffer as a result. You need it for what anyway? A pint at the pub later? A packet of crisps for the walk home? Just give them the 20p and change their day for the better.

It’s these little things that will make such a difference to those in need. Also, the enormity of joy and satisfaction you’ll receive from seeing a smile on someone’s face that you’ve put there is second to none.

There are countless moments like this every day for those who choose to see them.

So next time you see that opportunity to help, ignore that little arsehole in your head who’s only looking out for number one, waltz up to that person and do it. You’ll be surprised how good you both feel as a result and you never know, you might make a habit out of it.

And let me tell you, that’s one habit our world needs more of.

Insecurities

So a friend of mine asked me some honest questions today on insecurities for some research she’s doing. Things like:

What are three insecurities you have?

Do you keep your insecurities hidden from people, if so why?What kind of feelings do your insecurities bring you?

Have your insecurities ever stopped you from doing something you wanted to do?

What do you think the world would be like if we were more honest about our problems and feelings?

I wrote the most honest response I could and realised that people should talk about this a bit more. So I’m humbly posting it here in the hope it will stir up conversation. We are never alone.

I worry that I annoy people or that they think bad of me for one reason or another (I hate upsetting people). I also worry that I will never find true love and have a family. I also worry that I’ll never be truly good at anything.

My biggest worry is definitely missing out on love and a family.

I try to keep them hidden as I think they make me seem weak and it adds to my worry of people having a bad impression. Plus the more admitted, the more is let out to deal with (it’s easier to ignore when know one knows). I don’t keep them hidden when I realise someone else is feeling it and I want to help and let them know they’re not alone. And sometimes I just can’t keep it under wraps Once it starts I start worrying about everything. I panic and become frigidity and obviously irritated.

How they make me feel? Scared, angry, frustrated, no confidence, panicked and that I can’t look people in the eye.

They stop me from doing things a lot. I have a voice that tells me ‘You can’t do that’, just simple things that would make me happier or anything that involves being the focal point of attention. I’m learning to override this. It’s really satisfying doing something anyway and saying ‘fuck you’ to myself. It has taken me a while to realise I am capable of overriding it…but doing so sometimes causes it to come back harder. I am becoming stronger to it though and I like this strength.

People should be more honest about their problems. Especially insecurities as they make you feel so isolated. It always feels good to talk to someone else who worries about the same stuff. Not only is it helping, but it eases the pressure on you. People shouldn’t be scared to talk about these things only it’s kind of the heart of what it is, so it’s difficult. If people did the world would be a better place as negative feelings lead to negative behaviour and that in turn can transmit to other people. Any bad emotions spread and it’s important to stamp them out. Sometimes it’s just a case of realising you are only seeing from one perspective and there are plenty of other ones out there you could choose to see from.

The ever written book

The misery of winter is slowly melting in the days of increasing sunlight.
Life’s essence, suspended in animation slowly drips and sinks back into the hard earth as the warm rays unlock it from it’s frozen prison.
There is so much hope for this year.
Hope in constant battle with fear of failure and the boldness of new moves, scratching permanent scars on the stoney monoliths of history.
In life we strive to carve our own story, leaving tales of glory and a way to be remembered when we are dead. Each memory is immortality.
Each person’s life is their own experience as is each animal and plant.
Even things alive for the shortest of time have the opportunity to leave their mark.
Life is an ever written book, it’s pages turned by the unstoppable force of the hands of time.
How thankful I am to live within it’s paragraphs.

A brighter tomorrow

Civilization
Population
Colonization of our beautiful mother earth.
Like colonies of ants, we expand and contract
Breathing life into villages, towns and cities
That eventually fall into ruins as the acts
Of each collection of us dissipate into the woods of our birth
Ready to be born anew, and to remember the old

I see me in you.
And you in the old and the new
We two are three, four and more
We are one and the same.
There is only one name
We are us.

It is not that there is god
For our biggest mistake
Is that we know not how humble we truly are
As far as, we cannot see
I am you and you are me
We are, ourselves from the stars
There is no overpowering deity
To tell us what to do, because we are all one soul split into few
Like splinters of glass
Reflecting the facades of existence
Like the grains of sand trickling through the glorious, golden hourglass of time
We are all responsible for our own destinies
You for yours and me for mine.

We need to find our true selves and learn to trust again
For as sunshine banishes darkness
We can turn our enemies to friends
We can clean up our mix ups
We can undo all we’ve messed up
We can learn to love
Then what we miss we can borrow
To build on today and make a brighter tomorrow.

Fellow Man

Love your fellow man
Understand what he’s done
For underneath the surface
He comes from where we come from
Our light shines bright from deep within
Wrapped up in meat and smothered in skin
We are all one kin.

Our kindred spirits live within us
And we confuse these for dark matter, poking the pins in us
Finding the controls for negative thought
Greed, anger, jealousy, my fists grow taught
Get out of me, negativity!
The frowns that could be
The sorrow they might see
I am a child of light, I know what I am
And I’ll hold the hand of my fellow man
And I’ll take the time to understand what he’s done
As underneath the surface
We all come from one.

The chavs, goths and punks
The kids you can’t label
Those lucky people who are born with their feet beneath the table
Those men who are lonely,
Men who need love they have to pay for
Come now, take my hand and feel the love she’d have to lay for
Rubbish pickers, those lost to liquor
The chap who always looks glum
Underneath it all
We all come from one.

So come with me now, take my hand
As long as there’s some good I you I can love my fellow man
It comes from compassion
Understanding why things are done
Would you have made the same choice if caught in the run?
It takes just one wrong decision to take the wrong path
And a lifetime to retrace to where you were last
So we need to change this attitude of giving up on guys
As improvement comes from learning,
Where you went wrong in someone else’s eyes.

So please, love your fellow man
Understand what he’s done
For underneath it all, we all are one.

So here we are.

Sonder – N. The realization that each passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own – populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness – An epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk”

I am an avid people watcher and over thinker. Humanity and our world amaze and inspire me every day. I have taken to writing to capture how I feel in order to understand the babbling sea of thoughts and feelings in my head. I also thrive on taking photos and music is my oxygen.

Writing is not only enjoyable, but it is fundamental to my sanity. I have both read and written with enthusiasm since I was a small child. For the last 6 years I have been writing and performing poetry and I hope one day to write for my crust.

I find beauty in the simplest and smallest of things be it light or dark. I like to share this with people and I like the craftsmanship behind something well written. I don’t think I could ever tire of it.

I hope you like my words. I’m looking forward to the new writers I’ll meet on here and I’m always interested to hear of opportunities to get involved in projects. Don’t be shy!